March

It's March! Icky wet cold white March. I'm doing semi-good I think.
After my last euphoria I sunk pretty low for a short while - probaby cus of the loooong foreverwinter that is not making my view frommy Annelinn appartment any less drab. I'm glad I have that pink building there. ( was it ruschovka? what was it?)

Last week I was grumpy, cold, tired and way too scared of people.
I did go out on Thurday and drank a few beers and few glasses of wine in a company of 1 person ( myfavourite amount of people :]) but the next day I was more than sure that it wasn't such a swell idea. The evening was lovely and i didn't feel that poopy in the morning, just tired.. but
during my painting lessons I suddenly had a sort of panic attack.
It was really creepy and lasted around an hour, heart thumping and eerie feeling of being badly surprised, only more stronger (i have hard time describing the feelings in my chest) I could not speak if i tried. Finally managed to call my doctor who told me to call an ambulance.. but i didn't cus I was slowly getting better. Finally I mustered the strenghst to stand up and clean my brushes and walk home really slowly. The worst part is that I could paint only 1/3 of the lesson and painting classes are the only thing i truly love about going to that school.
And i was planning to go to Tallinn that day, or at least to a small art event in Athena. Instead I stayed in bed the rest of the day. -.-
Anyway the feeling of weakness and alertness and danger of the attack returning remained the whole weekend and even on monday after I had EKG and blood pressure checked (which were all dandy). This is a bit odd but I'm not tooo worried. I'll just take it easy for a while, drink tea with herbal heart drops and sleep a plenty. It's probably winter stress and alcohol. And I did smoke a whole pack of cigs in 6 hours or so the night before.

hyup.
But I gots Great news too!
My brand new DELL monitor arrived today via a very long bearded kullerman.
Mmmmm so huge and nifty and 90 degrees turnable.
Finally I can use the tiny samsung monitor for all the crappy desktop icons and winamp and gmail and buduaar etc while I'm playing, painting aor watching stuff.
or just.

watch stuff while I'm writing emails.
look at my pretty desktop image while writing this blog fullscreen

...
What a bliss. How could I have lived without it before?!
My battlestation is almost complete!
All i need now is a desklamp. And a can opener. and new speaker system. And webcam (for live refrencing hands and lightning effects on the face!! It's better than mirror or camera because it's both combined :3 Aaand I could cammmm). And a mirror behind me somehow, for quick effortles mirrorchecking my works in progress (flipping canvas all the time gets tedious, specially with large files).
Yeah. My "studio" is nowhere near finished. I'm totally missing traditional art stuff (exept for this one A2 wooden painting board)

Anyway, this monitor was a good call. Took every cent of my income tax monies but was well worth it.

I'm getting plenty of orders from buduaar (once again one douchebag hasn't payed up but ..well 1 out of 10 is not so bad), I have got all the grades done in school and am yet again applying for the small monetary support scholarship thingy. I am depressed, unmotivated, fat and lazy but life's still pretty good. As in no immediate undealable problems.

I wanna drink some good red wine nau to celebrate - invite me to have some with you, why wont you? I know you wanna :3

Until you think this over have a pictchur of my new desk setting and agree, that it's awesomer than before.