Is this thing on..?
>_>
It's been 4 years. 4 of the longest years of my life. Definitely longer than the 6 years in the artcol*.
I don't even know where to start, how to recap this clusterfuck of a life that has happened. So I guess I'll just zoom into the very moment.
It's quarter to two, I'm up past my bedtime (which paradoxically happens more often than not) sipping the last of my half of the six pack. The light from my yellowed mellow overgrown secret garden shrimp tank bellows on the tall white walls of the dark studio-playroom in our two-story rental pad in Tartu. The 2-year-old is sleeping downstairs in our bed.
There are two cats, grey and white, sleeping aswell.
There's him, the rigid handsome dude who has dismantled my life twice now, sitting in his space, in the kitchen-living room, reading up about Kubernetes' new updates probably*. Behind two glowing screens and sipping beer, just like me.
The fabled Corona-spring seems to be easing up by now. Summer is not far. Saaremaa has been opened up but we wont go there yet, even though I very much miss roadtrips and having someone else look after the kid and well... my mum in person and her garden and the house and many many other things that come with all five of us commuting back there for a spell.
Both of us need to wrap things up here. I've got this master's degree thing (Cultural management, one subject this semester since I'm on parental study break and lazy) going on in the actual University of Tartu and the little hobby-enterprise called "Võlukunst" with Helen needs to get stuff done and the spouse-mate has some things going on at his job too I think. Involving Kubernetes probably.
But we will totally go once we're done here and it will be nice most of the time.
I found my blog again today.
I thought I turned it off but it was there and it was weird and nice and chill and I have forgotten allll about that part of me. The part that is .. well, me. I feel awkward and foreign. I've lost friends and gained weight and gotten weirder while getting more basic. I've reluctantly grown up a little, but remained a child.
The shoe doesn't quite fit, but I wear it anyway.
I have savings and plans for the future. I want to die some days. I have a therapist but I haven't seen her since December. I go on reddit. I'm 33.
I'm bored and overwhelmed and a mom of all things. It's a bit too much and I can't wait to outgrow this phase.
So maybe I'll start blogging again.
It's 4 past 2 now. That's my bedtime.
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*(They call themselves Pallas now? What. It's so awkward. If I'd been regularly blogging these years you know there would've been a rant longer than this sentence!) .
** Edit. He was not. He was naked on the tiny couch, playing a mobile card game or something. Heh.
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