'Pril

Time to squeeze out some more of that incoherent noise.
I feel like something in me has been changing lately, or maybe it's better to say emerging more. Or is it the other way around. I've been trying to relate and connect to the outside world more. Or something. I'm sure the outside hasn't noticed anything much, huge majority of this "connecting" still goes on inside my head.
 I guess it's not really anything relatively new or special, in it's essence it's the same thing that everyone does since their birth. Just consuming info and categorizing it for further reference and new connections. But it suddenly got so much more interesting. The hunger for knowledge grows with each bite.
 I feel like I've been asleep for most of my recent life not really giving two thoughts about what really is going on outside my self-fabricated bubble.  Escapism has been a trusty, friendly companion since childhood, in early teens I discovered the nihilistic, self-destructive ways of drunk leisure and "misanthropy" was a respectable term that I related to a desire to move away from the suddenly awful and base alcoholic circles in my late teens while having no "other side" to jump over or back to.
 Anyway, back to the recent.
 Of late I spend a lot of time on reading - books, articles, blogs, papers. I'm not sure what I did so differently before but now (recent months) I've been feeling new effects. I'm suddenly aware of all kinds of things. And that causes the awareness of the fact that I used to have no idea or concern about those things before. And well. .since I don't handle self-consciousness that well, having tendencies to poor self-esteem which can turn me against myself in the lamest ways.. in the worst moments sucking me into a vicious spiral.. I've felt a bit troubled. But in the light of the new, more active brain of mine, these troubles have been not so much troubling as such used to be .. but more like interesting problems to be solved. It's all good fun really.
 So that's that.
 In everyday news -
dunno. There's the Young Art Auction coming up and I'm in it! I don't have much expectations but it's exciting nonetheless! I mainly participated cause I knew that critics write a short text about each piece, and I wanted to know what they would come up for my school commissioned random piece called Film100. . I was pleasantly surprised. Can't wait till the next auction, I think I'm gonna try to pitch something with more soul in it this time, I'll see if it will be as pleasant then.
 All in all it's been a pretty good month so far, specially compared to the last one.. got a string of commissions, nothing stressful, paying fairly. Started to go to the croquis class regularly and I finally have no annoying numb laziness about it.. only the passion to draw! and also discovered a cool subject at the trt uni semiotics faculty. Is gonna be a fun spring!

Gonna end this one now on a happy note. I came here to whine but I guess that's one thing I'll never run out of and there's plenty for later date. as in..
I'll be BACK! somewhen.