Jibber Jabber

Yep, back already!

Thing to note:
I've got too much noise in my head. I know it's really common, every other person has said at some point that they think too much.
Well, that's what I got. Too much thoughts.  About 80% of my life is imaginary - going on inside my head. My everyday life is full of fruitless jibber-jabber that no one else can see. A fraction of this i dump on this blog here but that doesn't really make much difference, my head doesn't get much lighter. I produce this fluff faster than my fingers could ever type.

Tonight while I was strenuously priming large canvases with gelatine as if mista Miyagi himself had appointed me I came up with a decision to get this under control. To try to focus more on the moments at hand instead of this endless daydreaming. I remember this "favourite quote"  i had on deviantart or some place that went like "All you have is the present moment and what you make of it". I'm not really sure how, if at all, I understood it when I claimed it to be the best sentence ever in ~2004 but now it sounds pretty solid.

It will not be easy to cut back on the musings, this habit is so deeply rooted but it's worth the shot. Mainly because I've noticed how (over)thinking about things gives me the feeling like I'm already dealing with them, in a way and so makes me arrive more slowly at actual actions. Some things give me a lot of pleasure by my just thinking about them, like," why, I don't even have to go and stir them physically, not today, where's the rush? I'm really not that clear about that one, why wont I give it a little more thought, oh and now I'm already thinking about that other thing and umigawd, gotta put that fire out and , well where was I- - ahh, vidyagames and weed/beer, need to relax my overflowing inner voice somehow at the end of the day, eh!" And so on.
I can't remember what I did 2 days, let a lone a week ago. Even yesterday is fuzzy.
 So yah. Not the best way to spend a young life. And I aspire to be an artist! If there's one thing that helps to achieve something in that field (or any) it's the ability to focus, and then get things done! There's a million things to consider while creating something great and it can't be done with head up ones butt.

So what are these things that I think about? Lot's of self-centred bullshit I guess, imaginary dialogues with imaginary friends, how other people might think about me were I to do this or that (the most useless time waste ever - those hypothetical situations - and they get me all worked up too, sometimes!) and well the general crap, like what has been done, what needs to be done, little things, big things, the past and the future while the present discreetly slips by.

 I have been figuring out a lot of stuff too and some things I bring up in intimate conversations with the closest people and then get even more insight and that part is fine but yea, the rest - oh maan..-- enough!

As I mentioned in the previous post - I wanna try to connect with the outside world more and I'm awkward enough without spending all my waking hours on sniffing my own brainfarts.

Talking about awkward and connecting - early this spring I went ahead and did a brave thing - I wrote to a complete stranger who had left an amicable impression on me, and proposed to get acquainted. That was pretty cool, I think we're kinda acquainted now. But also awkward because.. well I'm not sure really and well. yeah. Making friends thing needs more practice I think.