my life and myself have been deteriorating slowly and mildly and lazily for some time now. even my language (both estonian and english as seen below)
I've been staying in more and more, doing less and less and worse.
my introverted anxiety for going to school, the fact that i've officially screwed up 2 simple photo refd commissions (maybe 3 coutning from this weeks sunday), let my personal "projects" wilt at background to the point i feel unable to start every morning anew. there's billions of self-made obstacles, recently fabulously topped with my self-inflicted right hand injury. out of frustration for myself and the reality i've created i ended up hitting my fist against a concrete wall. silly me thought that i'm not strong and/or weak enough to actually shatter my joints or whatever the way i did.
now i cant even hold a mouse in that hand let alone paint.
just before the weekend before springs painting evaluation. the only fucking subject i took this semester and i'm gonna fuck it up by putting up unfinished would-be nice paintings of suckiness.
heh.
but not all hope is lost. i think. woulnt know really. but it surely could always be so very grandly worse.
typing with one hand is annoying, so i'm gonna keep this short. I'll come back when I have something to show again
:3
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