'Tis wonderful lazy summer again. I do have a few pretty large projects at hand and people depending on me to do them but I just don't because I haven't felt like it. I will get around to them soon enough anyway, right?
I read my previous post and realized I finally have developed "new" data about the selfishness and the anxiety crap.These aren't really products of my sketchy teenage era or even the childhood with the bullying and whatever - I actually pretty much was born this way. As in if I really look at my personality, this stuff makes sense. All my life I have been this lonely, independent but yet whiny and helpless, clumsy kid. Kinda bright and creative but terribly lazy. Sweet but sloppy. Kind of a stereotype, really. Everyone noticed it and they let me know it in their own way thus really making it stick, I guess. The bullying was a result of me (and my artsy second-hand wardrobe composed by poor bohemian parents, which also totally suited me) and not really the fault of other kids or "society" or whatevs, and yo that's actually really refreshing to know! And well obviously there's noone else to blame for my bad grades and dislike of school and work. It's just all summoned thus by my own fabulous self since the beginning of me and there really isn't that much to cry over, at all.
All I need is some more disciprine and I'll be golden.
heheheh
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I do realize that I'm terribly slow at this, I would much more prefer that I'd figured most of this stuff out 10 years ago - there's already so much new stuff about me and the world to ponder about, but late is so much better than never.
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