Tere.
Nearing midnight on this Thursday.
Has been a day. A couple actually.
Haven't had a chance of quiet before now, yesterday I had an "early" post noon driving lesson and today the family was home for the day. Driving is going swimmingly, the teacher is moderately chill and I'm an OK student as well. Vrumm.
1,5 h post lesson I had a painting sale date set up with a cool young Finnish biophysicist at Pirogov. Bye bye buckthorn crows, off to a happy home with you and a heap of coin for me. This year its seems my paintings have been selling like hot cakes. Can't make enough to have a decent exhibition's amount at hand almost. Feels so good!
Today I got a call from a lady expressing considerable interest in my work as a whole, and had a few favorites she's going to come check out after New Year's. She also asked whether I was going to make more of the massive foldable iconographic polyptychs and I revealed that I currently am pondering another large piece on Estonian mythology. She was immediately like, can I be the buyer? When will this manifest? I'm sure there'll be a string of potential buyers so can you please notify me first? I hope I can afford it?!
Wow.
I guess that's the exact flavor of motivation I need to actually give a go at another piece so grand after...7 years. I have a bunch of keywords and some very preliminary sketches somewhere.. I'll dig these out soon, the Matron beckons!
heehhheeghh x3
It's days like these when I feel like it's all coming together. Like I was told it would. If I kept at it and just.. trusted.
The "work hard, have faith and your dreams will come true!" thing. Only that my hard work has been.. working hard and gradually not failing at not getting tied up in random paying jobs and gigs, the tasteless "productivity" mindset of every other aspiring peasant. Just letting myself float, breathe, sleep and play even at most tightest of circumstances, claiming my territory proudly, even though and just because. To do exactly what I please, often verging on absolute childish irresponsibility (self-judged), demanding space for my deeply selfish delicate "flowerhood", making highly personal, naive, silly works, (that I'm embarrassed about half the time, because they looked so much better in my head) just seeing where my muse takes me, just because.. am artist? I don't think I can really do any better. Or different. Anymore.
For a long while I was sure that I'm a deeply committed self-saboteur. If some painting I made got "too popular", like the "5 little red riding hoods" or "winter solstice" I would do a spin and try something completely different instead of trying to zoom in on the approaches, even if I felt there was more to explore personally. My need to always cover my tracks to avoid "selling out" has been an actual thing forever. Masses have bad taste, galleries suck, like the best place for exhibiting my "brilliance" is either a seedy watering hole or a library in a small town at the edge of Estonia. I'm not yet entirely sure how this weird stance actually relates to my success or non-success and I believe this subject deserves its own entry. But at this moment and context I believe this attitude in it's more balanced moments has helped me to stay on the track of my unique creative independency, that may be at fault for things looking up this year. Maybe not though.
More to ponder, but right now I feel pretty good about things, and it's a good spot to wrap it up.
:3
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